In The Wings

map... updated...

2009-05-16T20:49:40Z

It looks like I've got some work to do!

visited 29 states (58%)
Create your own visited map of The United States or another interesting project

back in the nati

2009-05-12T00:53:41Z

My time at BTM finally came to a close. It was rather bittersweet. I actually started crying when I finished Swan Lake until someone reminded me that it would be the people not the place that I'd be missing. I stuck around for a few days just to be a bum then drove back to school.

It's weird being back. It took one class back at CCM to remember all of the reasons why I left in the first place. The bad things are the same. Unfortunately some of the good things seemed to have turned as well. People have definitely changed.

At the end of my first weekend back I got really sick. I was coughing up a lung and horribly congested. No appetite. Sore and achy. Extremely tired. The jokes about swine flu started to get a little old. I'm so grateful that Mike came after his last final on Wednesday. He just left this evening. He pretty much took care of me the entire weekend. I wish that I could have done more fun Cincinnati things with him, but I was so wiped out most of the time. We slept a lot, but we did make it to Newport, Graeter's, Jungle Jim's, etc.

I wish that he hadn't had to leave. Everything just seems so much better when he's there. I'm already ready for the next time that I see him. Eleven days 'til I go out to AZ to chill with him after his surgery.

I'm so burnt out. Even after bummin' the whole weekend. I think it's partly because I'm anxious to know where my life is going. And how things are going to develop and change.

12 more days...

2009-04-15T03:29:52Z

BTM is killing me. Not just me though... it's killing everyone. 12 days can't come soon enough. It's going to be rough to go back to school just because I need a break...

I worked my last day at Gap today. A little bittersweet. I'm going shopping tomorrow. I'm going to lose my discount so... I feel like I should. I don't need to spend the money... I'm not going to go crazy. No no.

Yeah... so... it looks like I won't be able to work for my month and a half back at school because the Gaps there don't want me to transfer for such a short time. It also looks like I will not be working while I'm home for a month and a half because the Gaps in Georgia don't want to hire someone who is leaving in August like every other college student in the state. Blah. No one will hire anyone for a month and a half. Then again... there are a lot of places not hiring anyone ever.

I got some more information about Charlottesville... pretty much I'll work half the hours of BTM and make twice as much. So... that kinda rocks. The hours are kind of weird just because of when they get the studio space for free, but it's okay... Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday are from 10-2. Saturdays are from 4:30-9. And that's it. Crazy, yeah? I'll be able to take real classes at night at the community college. (It's too late to transfer for part-time at UVA.) I can dance, work, and do school without dying. I don't even know how to handle it. Speaking of working in Charlottesville... today I was thinking about how retail is getting kind of old. Maybe it's because it was my last day, and I wanted to leave, but... I don't know. Working at the Gap in Charlottesville wouldn't be so bad. However, don't hate, but I started thinking about working at Whole Foods or Trader Joe's. Before you call me crazy for wanting to be a bag girl... you have to say that those two stores are a step above Kroger. Plus, what do I spend most of my money on? Food. Hello, discount. I know it isn't huge, but every little bit helps. I checked and there isn't a Trader Joe's, but there is a Whole Foods. Just an idea, I guess.

This summer I want to: take class at GBT as often as possible. Go to Arizona. Go to Boston. Go to NYC. Have Mike visit? Is Hawaii sitll in the mix? I want to travel so much while I have the time... in the most financially efficient way possible, that is.

Things

2009-04-06T02:46:52Z

It's been awhile...

Life was really stressful. I was in a bad place. My anxiety was to the point that my stomach was irritated, and I was getting headaches. Sleep was also not working out.

However, this weekend... everything came together. Last Sunday I auditioned for Charlottesville Ballet. Yesterday, they offered me a company contract. Here's the thing: they're perfect. This was their first season so they're brand new. Class: Combine Miss Lisa and Rebecca... you got class. I hadn't realized how much my heart had missed that kind of movement... boy, it did. Choreography: All contemporary ballet. It feels wonderful. Because they are still a developing company, they only work four days a week, but they like their company members to take class on at least one of the off-days. The studio is actually in Stanardsville (middle of nowhere Virginia), but everyone lives in the city of Charlottesville where the perform. Stanardsville and Charlottesville are, I think, 20-30 minutes apart, but everyone carpools. University of Virginia is in Charlottesville... I can take some real classes. I'm so excited.

Last night Mike and I made chicken parm and had some wine. It was wonderful. Today we slept in, got breakfast (at lunch time) at the diner, and went into DC for the Cherry Blossom Festival. It was beautiful. We ended not actually being around the cherry blossoms for too long because we ventured to find coffee, got way off track, decided just go, had to go to a different Metro, went in search of a bathroom, went back to the Metro... we made circles. It was a lot of walking, but it was a beautiful day and nice to just see the sun.

This week I was thinking a lot about my chain of events and how if one link was different or broken... my overall story would be completely different: If I hadn't switched to GBT, I don't know that I would have gotten into a college dance program. If I had gotten into Butler, I never would have gone to CCM. Had a not gone to CCM, I would never have met Emily, Katie, and other lovely friends. Without CCM, there would have been no Dayton. Without Dayton, I wouldn't have auditioned for BTM because a girl at Dayton was the one who told me about it. If I hadn't come to BTM, I would never have met Tab, Mike, or Lynne (who introduced Charlottesville to me). And without Tab, I wouldn't have met Mike who keeps me so happy and sane. Isn't that sequence crazy? How does that happen?

I feel like thinking about the past doesn't necessarily mean that you're unhappy with the present. Especially in terms of relationships, oftentimes I look back on the past to realize how much better things are. It's not that I want the old relationship back. I like to be happy with the changes and see how things have improved. Especially since I'm not an ex-boyfriend-hater... it's hard for me to not look back sometimes. I see the past as events that made me who I am... happy where I am now. Yeah?

audition shindig

2009-03-02T20:40:07Z

Alright so Excalibur went pretty well. It was nice to see the fam and hang out and whatnot. I'm really glad that everyone came. Even though conditions here may not be the best, I think that Excalibur was a really cool show.

Oh and I had an infected bite of some sort on my leg. It was bad. The rash was so huge. And it itched. Like crazy.

On Monday I flew home with Mom. We did a bunch of errands and things that needed to be done. I went to the doctor where both the nurse and doctor were impressed that I had waited so long to have someone look at my leg. They gave me antiobiotics and a 24-hour antihistamine.

On Tuesday morning, I took class at Georgia Ballet. Everyone was so nice. So nice. Their studios were beautiful, and class was really fun. I think that my style wasn't quite Balanchine enough for them, but the director said that I'd hear from them in 2 weeks.

On Wednesday morning, I took class in Dayton. That one was defiitely a no. Class went alright, but the environment was not at all as welcoming as I'd expected. Dermot also said that my body still isn't hireable. So that always makes you feel good.

On Thursday morning, I took class at Festival Ballet of Providence in Rhode Island. Again, everyone was really nice. Class was fun, but I don't know that my style is quite Russian enough. Their studios weren't state-of-the-art or anything, but they were really cool. It was a nice homey feel. The director said I'd hear from them sometime between March 15th and April 6th or so.

I'm starting to get concerned that I won't get a job. I talked to Dianna about my audition marathon. She said that I should completely disregard Dayton. She also has faith that I should keep auditioning and find a job, but she will do her best to leave a place for me so that I don't have to be out on the street without a job.

I have my CityDance audition this Thursday. Charlottesville is Sunday the 29th. I was accepted into the ADF school for summer, but I can't plan on that until I know if I have to go to a summer program if I get a job. I also emailed a few other places to see if I can audition today. And I need to mail off some DVDs. But I first need to determine if I need to film a new one.

Thank goodness we had a snow day today. I am so overwhelmed. Now I need to actually try and do my homework though...

updato

2009-02-18T04:47:18Z

Ballet Things: Last week was a horrible week for dance. Nothing worked. I was not in a good mood. Let's hope that that's over right about now. Excalibur is this week. I don't really believe that we're in the theater. It absolutely doesn't feel like it. The whole fam is going to be here this weekend. I'm way excited. It's gonna be so good. When we have lay off next Monday through Thursday, I believe that I'm auditioning at Georgia Ballet and Festival Ballet at Providence... hopefully Dayton if they get back to me. Have I mentioned that I really do hate audition season?

School Things: Everything is going well. Stats is fun. Is that sad? Psych is pretty normal. Human Sex is easy. I have papers due soon that I haven't started. I probably should get on that. I haven't done jackshit for Choreography. Mr. Tevlin hasn't sent me the rest of my Dance History work.

Boy Things: Mike and I talked about it, and we're legit together now. I'm really happy. Valentine's Day weekend was the best. It was so chill. A lot of bumming around. With no guilt whatsoever.

My house has the plague, and I really hope that I don't get it.

I guess that's about it.

conference

2009-01-27T03:22:44Z

Alright. So. I had been dreading my conference with Dianna. Today it happened. Complete 180 from CCM conferences. Probably because Dianna is the sweetest person ever.

I walked in and she caught me totally off guard because she asked me what I got out of being here? I was like, "Uhhh well... it's nice how much you care about the company's technique. I know that a lot of places don't really give corrections, but you care so much. A lot of the dancers are also really great artists so they give me something to learn from. And I love the family that's here." So we talked about that.

Then she asked me what my plans were for next year. I told her that I was confused. And I didn't know what I was doing with my life... dance? school? home? Europe? Ohio? No one knows. She asked me to explain why. And I did. She said, "You know... it's funny. With most people I feel like I can almost understand their thoughts better than they can... but with you I can tell that you really don't know." She expressed her opinion that you can always go back to school, but going back to dancing after quitting is really rough. She also told me that I'm welcome back to BTM next year if I like, but she feels like this isn't the place that I'm destined to me. She said that I was a great dancer with good sense of lines and a good body. I still need to work on my turns, feet, and stage presence (shocker), but that I have it if I want it. She emphasized that she has nothing against me as a dancer, and that she was sure that I would improve even more if I stayed. However, she does feel that bigger and better things are out there for me.

So then we looked at my audition list. She gave opinions. She is very for Nevada, City Ballet of San Diego, State Street, American Rep Ballet, and Nashville. I asked her how much I could miss and she said that if I can go when we're on lay-off... that'd be ideal. If anyone is giving me trouble, she said she'd call them and explain what a crisis we're in trying to put a million things up right now.

So then I brought up the idea of me going modern and ADF and everything. I was waiting for her to laugh or something. She kind of shrugged and said, "Well... I haven't seen you do too much contemporary, but I definitely feel like you have a contemporary flair to you. I think that you have a lot of qualities that modern companies would really like. I think that maybe you should try this ADF thing out and see where it takes you. It would really make you decide whether or not you want to go modern. I'll be able to give you a better idea of how I think you'd be as a modern dancer later on in the season. We're doing a contemporary piece in the spring and I'll keep that in mind while I'm casting." So there was that. She definitely agreed that I should explore contemporary ballet and modern companies. Iiiiiiinteresting.

Sooo yeah that was pretty much my conference. I really didn't need to stress like I did. As usual.

back up

2009-01-20T20:41:03Z

So the Texas Ballet Theater audition last week was interesting. It was a great class, and it was nice to be in a good facility with a live pianist. The audition didn't go very well for Tabitha or me, but it was good to get the first audition out of the way.

I have set up my audition for the contemporary ballet company in Charlottesville, and I'm pretty excited about it.

I finally got my Stats homework and quiz postmarked today. It took so long to do. At least now I know how long it takes so maybe it won't be as painful next time. I'm still pretty behind on Human Sex and Choreography though.

I felt so shitty yesterday. I thought that I was going to vom everywhere. Luckily we got the day off of ballet today. I feel a lot better, but I would really prefer to not go to work in an hour.

The weekend was interesting. Tabitha's boyfriend Ty... his birthday party got moved to my house. A big group of drunk midshipmen and dancers... they make a big loud mess. It was a lot of fun though. I don't regret it. My roommates were a bit concerned and almost called the cops, but... no one was arrested or lying naked on the front lawn on Sunday morning. That's really all that matters. The floor, disgusting from Flip Cup, was scrubbed. Twice. The places where people threw up were also scrubbed but certainly not by me. No permanent damage.

Speaking of midshipmen... I think it's pretty safe to say that I'm falling for one. I couldn't quite figure out what his intentions were the last month or so. I was definitely confused. It became a little more clear the Saturday before last. We talked a lot last week. Then the party at my house pretty much clarified things. Moral of the story: Rumors and jealousy are a horrible thing. They can really give a girl the wrong impression of someone. That was pre-Saturday. None of that is around anymore. This whole thing is probably a bad idea... I'm leaving in almost three months. Leave it to me to find complication...

Blahhh work...

a couple more things

2009-01-10T03:06:47Z

One: I'm starting to get audition season anxiety.

Two: The idea of wearing pointe shoes less frequently... sounds great. I really think that I would enjoy doing the modern thing. I do. However, I am very insecure. I feel like they would laugh at the ballerina. =/

Three: I just discovered that the Hubbard Street 2 audition is this Sunday in Chicago. I looked up plane tickets. Almost $300. And I would have to miss part of rehearsal tomorrow and Monday. Not legit without prior notice. Oh well. I'm not bomb enough for them anyway.

Four: I don't even know if I'm capable of doing an audition right now. My quad is broken. My ankle hurts. And I haven't done center on pointe since November. And I don't have any good shoes to even do center in. I wouldn't need shoes for Hubbard Street, but... yeah.

Five: Completely unrelated to everything ballet. My Human Sexuality class is going to be so fun. Fun Fact from my textbook today: In the Bible, Jesus doesn't voice direct opinions on sexual issues. Paul does. And it was St. Jerome and St. Augustine that condemned sexuality. Whoa. Makes you think, eh?

peg leg

2009-01-09T21:27:37Z

So this thing we did in Excalibur rehearsal yesterday... it's really intense on just one quadricep. We do it over and over again in this section. We rehearsed it over and over again. Today... everyone looked like a pirate with a pegleg because our quads were so sore. Watching people get up and down off the ground was pretty good too. I wonder what would happen if I used my e-stim on it?

I just had a hamburger and fries from Wendy's. And it was good.

I'm really excited to shower, do homework, read, and watch tv the rest of the night. If that is sad, then too bad. I'm pumped.

a bit delayed

2009-01-09T04:03:38Z

It was a festive break. It was certainly beautiful to be home for awhile. I did a lot of nothing. I also got to catch up with a lot of people that I have missed dearly. There was a lot of driving... Maryland to Georgia to Ohio to Maryland... but it was all worth it. It was weird but good to go back to Ohio. There are several people there that I don't know how I have survived without them since June...

Boys are super confusing.

I got all of my work for Dance History. I'm annoyed that I have to do it all... now. And I had to pay for my packet. Really? The quarter is over. Whatever... as long as I get my A.

This quarter I'm taking Psych 102 (last class of the sequence), Human Sexuality, Stats for Psych, and Choreography. It's a lot more than I had to do last quarter so hopefully I'll be able to handle it.

Now that it is 2009... auditions are upon me. AH. I've looked up ballet and modern companies. I'm going to have to narrow it down, but as of now I have: Georgia Ballet, Carolina Ballet Theatre, First State Ballet, Jose Mateo Ballet Theatre, American Repertory Ballet, BalletMet, Dayton, Festival Ballet Providence, Charlottesville Ballet, Quad Cities Ballet, St. Louis Ballet, Ballet Santa Barbara, Rioult, Dance Kaleidoscope, CityDance, Parsons, and Mark Morris. Insane. Must be narrowed. And potentially more realistic.

I'm eager for trips this summer. Potentially Hawaii for a week with Tim. Roadtrip to Boston and NYC with Katie and Rob. LIFE! Sort yourself out so I can make plans, please!

The 2008 Survey!

1.) What did you do in 2008 that you had never done before?
-had a good Valentine’s Day
-went to the Emergency Room
-worked retail
-bought a drink at a bar
-contemplated quitting dance

2.) What were your Year’s resolutions? Will you make more?
-I don’t remember them… my one for this year is to keep my heart and head more connected.

3.) Did someone close to you give birth?
-Yes! Welcome to the world Jordyn Marie!

4.) Did anyone close to you die?
-No, thank goodness.

5.) What countries did you visit?
-Just the US

6.) What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
-Direction in life… a boyfriend would be nice…

7.) What dates in 2008 with remain etched in your memory and why?
-The day I left school to move to Annapolis

8.) What was your biggest achievement of the year?
-Not getting a ticket/ a car wreck
- finally passing statistics
-Taking 12 hours over the summer and doing well in all of them

9.) What was your biggest failure?
-Losing faith in myself

10.) Did you suffer illness or injury?
-Of course colds
-My pulled intercostal muscles and pleurosy (ER trip)
-sprained ankle

11.) What was the best thing you bought?
-possibly my leather coat from Gap

12.) Whose behavior merited celebration?
-Jessica Lavin/Kelly… being bomb.

13.) Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
-…let’s not talk about it.

14.) Where did most of your money go?
-food and Gap. So killer.

15.) What did you get really, really, REALLY excited about?
-the potential for travel in my near future

16.) What song will always remind you of 2008?
-Love Song by Sara Bareilles
-The Devil in Me by Kate Voegele
-Love Story by Taylor Swift

17.) a. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
-sadder

b. Thinner or fatter?
-fatter

c. Richer or poorer?
-significantly poorer

18.)What do you wish you’d done more of?
-worked on my relationship with God
-stayed in touch with friends from home

19. )What do you wish you’d done less of?
-watching tv on dvd
-Facebooooook

20.) How will you be spending Christmas?
-it was spent at home

21.)Did you f all in love in 2008?
-I was in love… if that counts.

22.) How many one night stands?
-none.

23.)What were your favorite TV programs?
-Heroes

24.)Do you dislike anyone now that you didn’t at this time last year?
-not really

25.) What was the best book you read?
-Ahhhh the Twilight series! So addicting!

26.) What was your greatest musical discovery?
-Carrie Underwood
-Taylor Swift

27.) What did you want and receive?
-a job in a ballet company
-my sweet coffee maker

28.) What did you want and not get?
-to receive news that I could graduate a year early

29.) What was your favorite film from 2008?
-The Dark Knight
-Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2

30.) What did you do on your birthday?
-did Nutcracker early in the morning
-drank in the company of the dancer ladies

31.) What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?
-not losing a friendship

32.) How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2008?
-chill?

33.) What kept you sane?
-coffee
-Em, Katie, and Tab

34.) Which celebrity did you fancy the most?
-*shrug*

35.) What political issue stirred you the most?
-election madness

36.) Who did you miss?
-everyone from home and Cincinnati… depending on where I was at the time

37.) Who was the best new person you met?
-my roomates, Tab

38.) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
-Sometimes shit doesn’t work out the way that you expect it to.

39.) Name some crushes you had in 2008.
-***, ****… hmmmm =)

40.) What was your greatest food discovery?
-Maryland crab cakes

41.) If you’re in school:
a. What class gave you the most difficulty?
-Dance history… that’s what happens when you’re not given your work.

b. What class was the most fun?
-Lit I suppose

42.) List all the states you visited in 2008.
Well… Ohio, Georgia, Maryland, DC, and North Carolina. I also traveled through Tennessee, Kentucky, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, and South Carolina.

43.) Where were you employed?
-Ballet Theatre of MD
-Gap

44.) Where will you be spending New Years Eve?
-was at Katie’s in the Nati

45.) Write a song lyric or quote that sums up 2008 for you.

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.” –--Carrie Underwood

In 2008 I…
[X] Broke a promise
[X] Made a new best friend
[] Fell in love
[X] Fell out of love
[] Did something I swore never to do
[X] Lied
[] Stole
[] Went behind my parent’s back
[X] cried over a broken heart
[X] Disappointed someone close
[X] Hid a secret
[X] Pretended to be happy
[] Got arrested
[X] Kissed in the rain
[] Slept under the stars
[] Kept one of my New Year’s resolutions
[X] Forgot my New Year’s resolutions
[X] Met someone who changed my life
[] Met one of my idols
[X] Changed my outlook on life
[X] Sat at home all day doing nothing
[] Pretended to be sick
[] Left the country
[] Almost died
[] Gave up something important to me
[] Lost something expensive
[X] Learned something new about myself
[X] Tried something I normally wouldn’t try and liked it
[X] Made a change in my life
[X] Found out who my true friends were
[X] Made a total fool of myself
[X] Met great people

termina

2008-12-22T01:15:38Z

Nutcracker: check

Sushi for dinner: check

Large glass of rum: check

11 hour drive: Tomorrow.

bailey's hot chocolate

2008-12-19T00:32:47Z

It was a long day. After all of the ballet stuff and a trip to Target, I had some leftover pizza, did my laundry, and watched Gilmore Girls.

Work tomorrow at 7 am means that I need to sleep ASAP. I figure that with my hot chocolate with Bailey's and some sleep aid... maybe I can be asleep by 9 or 10. I just definitely need minimum 8 hours sleep. I'm gotten 6 or 7 hours the last 3 nights... it is really not my thing. When I am sleepy and cranky it's just bad.

I want to go on a date. Hopefully the New Year will bring that about.

Home is so close. One long work day, rehearsal, and three performances away. And that eleven hour drive thing.

wednesday

2008-12-18T04:15:11Z

Here in ballet land... we're pretty much in Hell. Alright maybe it's not that bad... but I feel that it could be better. Yeah. Let's just get Mystery Nut over on Saturday and get back to the real stuff on Sunday, shall we?

I can't wait to see Atlanta Ballet's Nutcracker.

I got yelled at a lot by customers at Gap today. It wasn't so fun. People are getting fiesty now that Christmas is getting closer. I was also in GapKids... extra not fun. I really, really hope that I'm not over there for my nine-hour shift on Friday.

Grades are in... A's in Psych, Lit, Ballet, Modern, and Choreography (which I exempted and didn't do any work). Dance history you ask? I have an Incomplete... I'm assuming that means Tev will work it out when we get our shit coordinated. And by "shit coordinated"... I mean I'd better not have to do Dance History work my entire break. That is not okay. So... yeah 4.0... plus the Incomplete. Whatever.

weekend

2008-12-16T00:27:33Z

It was a great weekend.

Friday: I survived the hangover. Mom met me at the studio, and we went and bought cans of chicken noodle soup so that I could eat something besides saltine crackers. Then she folded everything in my closet while I made the rest of my room look less disasterous.

Saturday: Em and Joe arrived from Dayton at about 3 am. We woke up in the morning to make pancakes and bacon. Then we walked around Annapolis... downtown, the Naval Academy, etc. Mom, Ellie, and Rain joined them to come see Nutcracker. It was my one Arabian show. I think that deep down, I know that it went well. However, for whatever reason, I was so upset with it. I think that it just happened to be mid-Nutcracker break down at a bad time. I definitely cried, but I had to compose myself quickly to take pictures with little kids. Tabitha assured me that my performance made her want to go lesbian for me. You have to believe it when she says things like that; she does like boys a lot, after all. Following the show, the six of us went out to the diner for some tastiness.

Sunday: We made biscuits for breakfast and figured out my new coffeemaker. My other two performances went well. No major crises for me at least. Afterwards, Mom, Em, Joe, and I went to Pusser's for seafood. Em and Joe then started their drive back. I'm so glad they came. They're crazy for doing it, but I love them. Then I went back to the hotel with Mom where we had hot chocolate and watched a movie.

Monday: I woke up really early with Mom for breakfast and to get her off to her flight. I'm pretty sure that I ate breakfast and drove home still asleep. I crawled in my bed and passed out for another three-plus hours. I spent the rest of the day in my bed watching Gilmore Girls, working on coloring pages/Christmas cards, eating a pizza, and just doing chill schtuff. It was good.

I miss GBT and wish that I could see Nutcracker. As Kelly put it... "I miss the grandeur." True story.

I'm working a lot this week. Including a nine hour shift on Friday. It's going to be hard. I'm going to be getting up early every single morning to go to work then straight to rehearsal. However, I will make like $100 this week so... extra money is always good I suppose.

A week from today, I will be on my way home.

birthday

2008-12-12T23:17:50Z

Yesterday was a great birthday.

We had mini shows for kids so call was at 8 am. A wee bit early. I had a bottle of wine and fifth of Bacardi sitting at my spot. Balloons were added later. The E-O Fan Club (some of the school girls who love me) made cupcakes and brownies and wrote me a poem. They're really sweet.

After rehearsal, Lynne and I went to West End Grill where she works. I told the bartender to make me something tasty with rum. He put at least four shots of rum in the glass. There was grenadine. And other things. It was good. I then had a White Russian and an Oatmeal Cookie shooter. I was pretty much drunk.

Then came El Toro Bravo with the dancers and Ellie. I had a margarita and a couple tequila shots. I feel like I didn't actually end up eating very much of my food unfortunately.

Then we decided to go back to West End... even though I *probably* could have stopped after El Toro Bravo. At West End I had another Oatmeal Cookie shooter, a Fuzzy Navel shooter, a Double Espresso Vodka shooter, and as I wrote on my drink list a "Minute Maid OJ/alcohol shooter." Some guy gave it to me and we didn't know what it was.

I'm glad that I wore my rainboots instead of heels.

Lynne got me back to my house and made sure I ate a little something and had some water. Hooray for good friends. She left at about 2ish I think. I tried to drink more water and took some Advil and Pepto. I woke up at 7:30 to go to the bathroom. I decided to sleep on the bathroom floor until about 10:30 because I was really naseous. I was tasting so much tequila. It was just bad. I thought that I was going to fail and throw up. At one point I'm pretty sure I was cuddling with the toilet in fact. HOWEVER, the vomit did not come. Huzzah. So I got up and laid in bed for awhile. I decided to trek upstairs to find some food. After re-telling last night to Meags and SKG, I started to feel kind of sick again. Stupidly I made apples and cinnamon oatmeal. One bite of that and I nearly lost it. I did not plan well. I really had no bland food in the house at all. Luckily Lynne is a badass. I called her and she brought over saltines and ginger ale. So much better so quickly.

I don't think that I want to drink for awhile. As I was unpacking all of the alcohol I received for gifts yesterday, it made me a wee bit queasy. I'm impressed that with all that alcohol I didn't puke, but thank the Lord for small favors. It's a good thing you only turn 21 once.

productive

2008-12-08T02:28:38Z

I went to church for the first time in months. It was nice.

I took my Psych final and did well.

I finished my Secret Santa/Merde gift shopping. I also picked up my prescription, went grocery shopping, and got the rest of the little things that I was missing for dress rehearsal tomorrow.

I did four loads of laundry, cleaned my bathroom and the upstairs shower, and started picking up my room.

Really, it was a productive day. My room isn't ready for Em and Joe yet, but it's on its way. I can't wait for them to get here. I'm so excited. =)

I'm trying so hard to not get sick. I picked up a different version of Mucinex that the pharmacist said should be easier for me to swallow. I did my three-a-day Emergen-C. I am trying.

Tomorrow: Work from 8-12. Class/rehearsal from 12:45-4. Dress from 5-10. It's gonna be a long day, but the week just goes up from here.

crazy

2008-12-04T06:04:37Z

I'm wired right now. Why?

One minute I want to stop dancing. Now I'm like, "Hey let's audition for the Rockettes even though I'm a half inch too short. I mean sometimes I'm taller? Well I'm in NYC why not hit up Mark Morris too? They're only one of the most badass modern companies ever." Two absurd concepts. Then comes dancing in Europe. Or moving to London with Ellie. Then I want Georgia Ballet. Then I want to quit. Then I want to move home. Then I want to hit up Boston and Jose Mateo. Whaaaaaaaaaaat? Hello heart, make a choice. Please.

Something that certainly isn't changing is that I miss the comfort of having someone. Good thing that is something that is totally possible when I don't know what the hell I'm doing with my life.

My feet are cold.

Tomorrow Thom Clower crunches start. Every day. One week until the Arabian bra. I need to stop procrastinating.

emergen-c

2008-12-03T03:43:09Z

This week is going by really slowly already...

It's nice getting to sleep in because we're in the theater at night, but it is so much easier to procrastinate when one is still in pajamas.

My schoolwork really is in pretty good shape. Two Twelfth Night posts due on Thursday for Lit. If I get a good grade on them then I can just turn them in again for my final. Then I'd be done with Lit! A two-page summary for Psych due on Friday. Psych final on Sunday. Then I'd be done with Psych! Then I can *guiltlessly* lay in my bed and watch tv before rehearsal!

I'm starting to feel the sickness in the back of my throat. No good. I'm working on three packets of Emergen-C right now. Three or four more tomorrow. I took a Benadryl too. I need to buy some of the legit Sudafed tomorrow as well. It will not happen. I refuse.

I had soup and a grilled cheese for dinner. It was good. It made me think of the Phi Mu Alpha Sinfonia boys and Grilled Cheese Wednesdays. Oh CCM.

weekend home

2008-12-01T03:45:45Z

Wednesday: Got home and chilled.

Thurday: Helped Mom with the Turkey. Ate a lot.

Friday: Shopped early with Garet. Hung out with JK and Jessica.

Saturday: Athens. Wet and cold. UGA lost. Not a good day. Traffic and long drive back to the 'Ville.

Sunday: WaHo breakfast with Tim. Another visit with JK, Jess, and an awake Jordyn. Airport. Delays. Suck.

Bad things:

1- I try to create relationships that aren't really possible. It seems so simple to just create the perfect person. I don't miss Matt, but I miss what he represented. And I want it back. This weekend I realized that I can't decide when I get that. It has to find me. There is a season for everything. And I hate it.

2- Wicket is not in good shape. My mom dropped the bomb that "when we have to put Wicket to sleep I'm not telling you because you won't be here." Uhhh... not okay. I started to get so upset that I couldn't even argue. I will absolutely be there. I know that it will be hard. I know that I'll be upset. I know that he will be hard to see because I'm sure he'll be in pain at that point. But I will be there. He is my dog. I will be there.

It was a good and bad weekend. I wasn't ready to leave, but I wasn't ready to stay either.

2.5 days

2008-11-24T14:43:43Z

I. Have. To. Finish. My. Paper. Preferably by tomorrow night in between rehearsal. I mean, I had all of last night to work on it, but no- damn you Gilmore Girls!

I need to pack. And read Twelfth Night. And write another paper. And do two more discussion board posts. And read and take notes on two more Pysch chapters. But really... I'm only worried about the paper that needs to be done ASAP.

I would like to go to the Georgia/Georgia Tech game, but I do not forsee that happening.

But I do forsee a lot of hugs and love and good food in my near future... which is always a good thing.

creeper attack

2008-11-22T05:28:43Z

One: Tuesday. Gap. 45 year old man and entourage were hitting on me. I convinced the 45 year old man to get a Gap Card. He decided that he should send his son over from Cheesecake Factory to meet me. He decided that we'd make a good couple. It hasn't happened yet, but he wrote my name down. With as creepy as he was, I won't be surprised when some kid named Christopher with a Cheesecake uniform comes into Gap looking for me.

Two: Thursday. Gap. A man comes into Gap Kids looking for tights. Strange me said, "I would assume they're for a girl?" He looked at me oddly so I explained that I was a dancer so anything is possible. As I was searching for tights with him he proceeded to look down my shirt everytime I bent over. He continued to ask me about my career, male dancers, and my wanting to be a physical therapist. He determined that I wanted to be a physical therapist because I wanted to be able to touch people. Then he pulled a lollipop out of his pocket and asked me where I lived. Creeeeepy.

Three: Friday. Dr. Michie's office. Dr. Michie tells me that he wants to set me up with the starting fullback of the Navy football team.

Four: Friday. Applebee's. Tabitha's and I were eating a nice snack after rehearsal and venting. Our waiter, Antonio, asked me my name and if I was from Maryland. When I said I was from Georgia, he confirmed that I lived here. Then he handed me a rose made of a napkin with the bud part soaked in what appeared to be raspberry sauce. Excuse the graphic description, but it looked like a tampon. I managed to maintain my composure. Tabby didn't do quite as well. When he came back to the table and we were still trying to analyze what had just happened, he asked Tabitha why she was blushing when the flower was for me. People at tables around us were laughing at the whole situation. Whaaaaaat?!

Alright. Sleeping meds. Gilmore Girls. Sleep. It's gonna be a long day tomorrow.

blah

2008-11-19T19:42:45Z

I've been having too much trouble sleeping. It's not okay. The last two weeks... it's just ridiculous. The other night I took some Benadryl to get me to sleep and it helped so much. One step forward. Last night I worked until 12:30 and then didn't want to Benadryl for fear that I wouldn't wake up enough to go to ballet. Cheers to tossing and turning. When my alarm went off, I was so naseous. I took some Pepto and had a muffin. I thought I was going to vom all during ballet. I went to the bathroom a couple of times, but nothing came. The mere thought of even thinking about doing Snow pretty much made me want to run right back to the bathroom. Dianna and Rob sent me home. I wish that I could sleep. However, I can't sleep during the day without extreme illness or drugs. If I took drugs now, I would wake up in time to go back to sleep. I feel like taking sleep aids twice in a row is a bad idea. I'm not as naseous, but my body is pretty much screaming, "What the fuck is going on?!" I would have preferred to sit at the studio naseous and hear notes rather than sit here naseous and annoyed that I am exhausted and can't sleep. Ugh. Whatever. I'll get sleep tonight, and tomorrow I'd better be un-naseous.

I'm going to Dr. Michie again on Friday morning, and he will make my life better.

One week until I'm on an airplane.

One more huge paper to finish.

sleepy already

2008-11-16T01:23:59Z

I'm being a dance nerd and watching Center Stage. Inspiration. I want to force myself to dance like I'm performing for the Fox in the little matchbox of a studio here.

Dianna decided that I'm doing A cast for Arabian. That's really cool and all... I mean A cast is generally but not always the better show, but I think that I would have actually preferred C cast. C cast gets another show and they perform the second weekend. I was kind of hoping to do Arabian the second weekend so that my mom could come that weekend rather than the first one, but... oh well.

I might have a couple of visitors for my birthday weekend/Nutcracker, and I'm reallyreallyreallyreally excited.

I just found out that the last Harry Potter book is being divided into two movies. That is crazy talk! It's not happening until 2010/2011, but I'm still curious to see how that all works out.

I have a Gap meeting at 7 am tomorrow. Whaaaaat?!

full moon

2008-11-15T04:04:05Z

Alright. Between yesterday and today... the craziest shit has happened. Absolutely crazy. I looked up the lunar schedule... yeah... full moon yesterday.

If I didn't know better I'd think that I had mono. I can get a full right or nine hours of sleep, and I wake up exhausted. My body hurts. I could hardly make it through Snow and Flowers today. Flowers... not hard. I don't know how mono would even be a possibility since I never eat/drink after anyone and I haven't kissed anyone since April. I don't know what is going on, but I really don't like it.

Tomorrow night I was going to hang out with the girls at one the apprentice's parent's house. You know... a few drinks, hot tub, movies, etc. Well... I got a call from work while I was in rehearsal saying that the 7 pm meeting on Sunday (which I was never even told about) was moved to 7 am. Uhhhhh. Number One: I do not function that early. Number Two: I have rehearsal from 11-5. I'm seriously considering not going, but I think that I'd end up feeling bad. We're probably going to talk about holiday stuff and whatnot. If dance is bad tomorrow, I think that I'll screw it and go to Katlynn's, but... I don't know. I would get paid. And technically it *is* mandatory. Blah.

I miss football season.

Anyone who wants to fly stand-by to Annapolis for my birthday/Nutcracker weekend... I'd love you forever.